Haircuts

When Zane and I pick Justin up from school, the moms—and sometimes dads—congregate in the gym to wait for the kids. We go through the typical small talk: How was your day?, Looks like snow conversations. The moms—and sometimes dads—will say hi to Zane and help put the shoe back on that he loves to kick off.

This past week, one of the moms asked if I cut Zane’s hair. Maybe he looked a little shaggy that day, or she could see evidence of scissor marks in his hair. The answer was: yes, I do cut his hair. Ever since we embarked on our road trip in 2006, I found it easier to cut Justin’s hair than seek out a kid-friendly hair place. Now that Justin is older, he will let me run a razor through his hair. With Zane, it’s a little trickier. As a matter of fact, it is a two-person job.

Here’s the routine: We seat Zane in a booster chair. Jeff holds Zane’s head very firmly while I squirt water on it and hack away with my hair scissors. Sometimes Zane likes to make quick moves, so I have to move equally fast, and Jeff has to hold onto him that much harder. I cut his entire head of hair the same length. That is, whatever hair is visible above the fingers that grasp it. He has only a short tolerance for this activity. He will eventually fuss, which ultimately leads to crying. He doesn’t like crying. We don’t like crying. We’d rather avoid the crying, so speed is key.

The woman who cuts Jeff’s hair suggested we use a razor on Zane. It would be much safer, she said. But when we tried, he had a bald spot on one section of his head. He already has enough to deal with: splints, TLSO, glasses, adaptive equipment. He doesn’t need a bald head, too.

Maybe when he is less wiggly and can sit independently, he will go to an actual stylist. Until then, he’ll have to put up with mom, dad, and the scissor marks.

Bullying

My little Zane. There are so many wonderful things to say about him. Aside from being adorable and sweet, he is free of judgment and discrimination. In fact, if you know Zane, you would say he is accepting of everyone, a pure soul. He shares a smile with everyone regardless of age, ethnicity, abilities, or gender.

Fortunately, we live in a town where Zane is accepted for who he is. And, so far, he has not been mistreated or bullied because of his cognitive and physical differences. However, these things weigh heavily on my mind.

I will never forget an incident that occurred back in 2008 at the Denver Zoo. A group of adolescent boys passed Zane, pointed at him, and laughed. Now I had been bullied, picked on, teased when I was a kid, so I know first-hand how painful the experience can be. But the ridicule on that day at the zoo stung so much more because it was aimed at my son. My son who did not have the voice to defend himself. The son who would gladly offer those kids a smile if they took the time to receive it.

By the time I processed the string of events, the moment to react had already passed. The kids were gone. In retrospect, I realized their cruelty had everything to do with their own insecurities and nothing to do with Zane.

If you are a viewer of Glee—as I am—you will recognize Lauren Potter in this video. She plays Becky. Her message is a worthy one. Please share her message with others. Our world needs more kindness and less bullying.

Teeth Grinding

Bruxism. That’s what it’s called. It’s the official name for teeth grinding, and Zane does it almost all the time. It absolutely drives me crazy, especially when I am trying to write or when I am driving. Zane’s pediatric dentist said it is quite common to see habitual teeth grinding in kids with special needs. Likely, it provides him with some sort of stimulation (via the sensation or noise) that does not prove irritating to him in any way. To save my nerves (and his teeth), I have offered him the use of a pacifier. This is something I absolutely discouraged with Justin. I did not want Justin to develop a reliance or oral fixation. And he didn’t. But with Zane, the pacifier is a means of making everyone happy. He enjoys munching on the pacifier, and I do not cringe as often at the sound of enamel on enamel. It’s a good compromise. Of course there are times, even with the pacifier, that he prefers to grind his teeth. I guess you can’t win them all.

Presume Competence

When we are not with our kids, we moms (and dads, too) seem to miss all the good stuff.

I received a report from Zane’s Occupational Therapist on Tuesday. They have been practicing switch use. On Tuesday (so I heard since I wasn’t there—no resentment, mind you), the switch was hooked up to vibration. The note stated that Zane really seemed to make the connection between the switch and the vibrating. He would make it go on and off and laugh. The note continues: “He stopped for awhile, so I asked if he wanted more. He clearly shook his head no. I left the switch to see if he would push it and he didn’t.”

Okay, so I can’t be too resentful. For one, this is huge! He communicated his desire to stop. Also, I have seen him do this at home, but was never fully certain he was saying no or simply enjoying the vestibular motion.

Way to go, Zane!

To all the families out there with kids who have special needs: don’t ever let someone tell you your child does not understand what’s going on. As I learned at a PEAK Parent conference—always presume competence.

Thanks, Erin (OT) for presuming competence! We really appreciate Zane’s team of therapists.

A Mom Talks with the Director of Special Education

Inclusion

Yesterday I spent my morning in Zane’s preschool classroom. The main purpose was to take pictures and videos in order to start building a file for his next IEP meeting. It is crucial to do this because there is a lot of swirling controversy over whether or not Zane will be able to attend his home school once he enters kindergarten. Typically, kids with significant special needs like Zane get bussed to Durango’s center-based program. We’re not sure if that is truly in his best interest.


It was a real treat to be in the classroom. I have been in and out for short bursts of time since he started in August. But yesterday I stayed for the entire morning—until it was time for him to return home. Seeing the way many of Zane’s classmates interact with him (inviting him to play, holding his hand, scooting next to him, eating a snack with him) gives me hope for our future. Having Zane as part of an inclusive classroom has reciprocal benefits. We live in a community that is light on diversity. Our children here are not (in my opinion) prepared for what is representative of the world “out there”. So not only does interaction between Zane and his peers benefit him, but it promotes acceptance and diversity for our upcoming generation. And isn’t that what God and love are all about: Accepting people for who they are? Not passing judgment? Showing compassion? I definitely think that is what God is all about!