Posts
As I sit here tonight with both boys tucked safely in bed, I cannot help but fret a bit. Tomorrow is the first day of letting go. Zane is in kindergarten. At a new school. I've been hanging out with him for the past few weeks, making sure everyone who cares for him is properly trained. They are not fully there yet. There have been mistakes: broken hearing aids, some minor issues with the tube feedings, not knowing him well enough yet to know what he's communicating. There will be more. There always are when someone else takes the reins with Zane. It's not me being critical, it's simply reality. But they'll get better with time.
I'm not worried about their treatment of him; everyone is super kind. But no one cares for him the way I do. As his mother, I am 100 % fully invested in his well being. Plus, I know the ins and outs of his care like no one else in the world because I do it all the time. I can usually read his wants and needs and meet them without frustration. Maybe if Zane was a verbal child, I wouldn't be so on edge about leaving him with people I barely know. He can't tell me if he has a bad day or if something goes amiss. But tomorrow I'll do my best to let go. To send him out into the world without me, albeit for seven hours, because that's what parents do. But I'll think of him throughout the day, wonder how it's going. Because that's what parents do, too.
I'm not worried about their treatment of him; everyone is super kind. But no one cares for him the way I do. As his mother, I am 100 % fully invested in his well being. Plus, I know the ins and outs of his care like no one else in the world because I do it all the time. I can usually read his wants and needs and meet them without frustration. Maybe if Zane was a verbal child, I wouldn't be so on edge about leaving him with people I barely know. He can't tell me if he has a bad day or if something goes amiss. But tomorrow I'll do my best to let go. To send him out into the world without me, albeit for seven hours, because that's what parents do. But I'll think of him throughout the day, wonder how it's going. Because that's what parents do, too.
{{{Susan}}} You and Zane will be just fine. You know you are doing the right thing giving him this bit of independence, it's just harder to do with someone like Zane. I hope, as he gets older, Zane will be able to do more and more with other kids and be exposed to his typical peers more. He might be like Morgan and not want his mom around when he is with his "crew." Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteHolly and Morgan
It's one of the most difficult lessons of parenting. I'm still struggling with it.
ReplyDeleteOh Susan, you are in my thoughts and prayers this week. I can't imagine how difficult this must be!!!
ReplyDeleteThis must be doubly difficult because he doesn't speak. Since the staff is kind, I believe that half the battle won. Keeping you in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI hope your day - and Zane's, of course – went well! (Hugs!)
ReplyDeletethinking of you susan--and hoping zane enjoys his days at school :)
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to "let go" when a child goes to school for the first time, but I can't imagine the difficulty when a child has special needs, especially when he or she is non-verbal. I am hoping you and Zane have both had a good first week and it was on the easier end of difficult.
ReplyDelete